The Bachelor Recap: The women tell all…

This is what ABC titles the “reunion” show right before the big finale.

Do we agree with this term?

Cuz…I didn’t hear anything but a bunch of scorned women jumping on the “he didn’t ask me any questions about myself” train that Andi started.

I think it should be called “He didn’t pick us, Boo” instead of “The Women Tell All”.

These women were CRANKKKYYY.

Some came to fight.

Some came to feel justified.

Some came to try and be chosen for the next bachelorette (cough Kat cough).

Some came to sit there and say nothing.

Some came just to get on tv one more time.

Some came to talk loudly and cry for no reason.

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Also, there were about 5 women who just didn’t come back at all. They now find themselves TOO GOOD to be on a reunion show…psssshhhttttt.

It was a hodgepodge of crazy weaves and emotions.

Oh and some came to have a really bad make up artist paint caterpillars on their eyebrows…WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH RENEES FACE?! It looked like my 1 year old took a crayon and squiggled on her face. She finally fixed her hair and then her face goes all drunk…poor Renee. But at least she told us that she’s in a new “Situation” (new reality tv show?) and that she’s happy…OR is she dating MIKE THE SITUATION?? THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS.

Sharleen showed up all classy like, looking great with normal eye brows, being all put together and junk. She had nothing nasty to say about JP, only good things, she defended him to the other emotional scarred ladies, she’s just too good. Can we find a way to get her on my tv shows where she just makes everyone look even MORE CRAZY? Cuz it’s great. I’m totes surprised when JP showed up they just didn’t start sucking face like they always did. Kudos Sharleen. Sing out.

Andi. Andi Andi Andi. Blow your nose. I love ya child, but please…BLOW YOUR NOSE. The world was hoping to hear more dirt that went down in that “nightmarish” night…but we got nothing. I also feel the term “nightmare” is being thrown around too loosely. It didn’t sound like a nightmare. They started out the night having fun, then he probs got too drunk and the truth serum ran a lil too heavy and homegirl got a dose of his true personality. That doesn’t soundddd like a nightmare, just a typical college girls evening when she realizes the frat boy she likes is actually a 2 collar popping d bag. Meh…well be seeing you in the next season of the bachelorette I’m sure, and all the dudes will be sure to ask you your religion and where you went to college…COUNT ON IT.

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JP came elbows up and his gun loaded. He knew he was gonna get it. For sucking face with some women and ignoring others. For being too honest and blaming it on his “language barrier”. For wearing ugly clothes and hammer pants. He had some defending to do. And no one was going to tear him down. NO ONE. Gotta give it to the guy, he loves himself. Even when the world hates him, JP loves JP…and that’s all her needs.

Tangent: I feel like Chris Harrison hates JP….I just feel that way…end of tangent.

He fought off the ladies complaining that he used Camila to get outta kissing them…(which…is valid…that was lame), he fought off the “pervert” comment he made months ago and that Kelly was still crabby about it…this statement allotted her more camera time and tears of sympathy…way to go. He fought off the drunky lush who said he couldn’t use his language barriers as an excuse anymore. He fought off the evil glares, the eye rolls, the pursed lips, the hair flips, he just wasn’t having ANY of it.

Congratulations, you’re not nice.

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In the end, I don’t really care who wins this season. Both of these ladies are forcing something with a man whose suits are too tight and shoes are too bright. They both deserve to put up with his bologna. I can’t wait to see who he picks mostly for the drama, but in the end…I dislike you all. GOODBYE.

Who do you think wins? I’m still thinking he picks Claire, even though I think she eats nails for breakfast, but theres just no way he doesn’t pick her I don’t think….ugh….FAKE TEETH IS THE WORST.

 

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