I’ve attempted to write anything worthy of writing all summer…and fall…and it’s just felt like life was on cruise control and there was nothing witty in my brain to spill out. Welp, the break is done y’all, cuz we went to Walt Disney World with two children under the age of 4, lived to tell the tale, and didn’t have a horrific time…so LET’S BLOG IT BEFORE I FORGET IT ALL.

I’ve wanted to plan a trip to Disney World since…well forever. I told my parents I wanted to go to Disney World more than college…and I think I even floated the idea out there for a honeymoon with the mouse, but was quickly shut down and slapped back into the reality that I am in fact an adult and should do adult things. One of the beautiful things about having children is that you get to be a kid again and do kid things like eat chicken nuggets and color without judgement…cuz ya know…it’s for the kids and all.

I got the bug in my soul this past spring that now was the time for us to go to Disney…obviously…Emma was barely talking and Luke was deep in the throws of being a “threenager”, it made perfect sense to plan an epic trip to one of the most expensive and exhausting places on the planet with two tiny creatures…PACK YOUR BAGS KIDS, cuz we goin.

AND WE DID.

Now…we didn’t go alone, because I’m not a total idiot. We took as many grandparents we could convince to go with us and somehow…we pulled it off.

Not without our moments though… you can’t expect to go to a giant amusement park designed to give kids stimulation seizures and make parents want to maybe start drinking by 9:34 in the morning without some little hiccups…or big ones…maybe some big ones…

Let’s walk through those:

1. After waiting for probably 30 minutes to ride the iconic Dumbo ride (which lasts exactly 90 seconds), Emma decided it was the prime opportunity to drop a precious pearl of poop…and we all know I’m NOT getting out of the line we just waited in for 30 minutes to change her diaper like a considerate person, instead we ignored all the comments around us about the smelly diaper and pretended it was someone elses  child. Dumbo is calling; poop butt and all.

   

2. If you look like a human…even a pretty human in a lovely dress, Emma will want nothing to do with you, but Luke will tell you all about his favorite monster truck…and why it is in fact his favorite…even if you are a princess who lived in the woods with 7 midgets…you’re about to hear a tale about Gravedigger and the Monster Jam.
   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   
3. We are forever banned from eating dinner at the Be Our Guest restaurant…forever…wanna know what it’s like to carry a screaming toddler girl out of a very loud and echoey restaurant with the eyes of 100 people on you? Go to Disney and eat at this restaurant. Send us a photo- cuz we are forever banned.

   

4. Wanna know what’s fun? Watching your toddler put stickers everywhere in the park and then pretending you don’t see them and just kinda leaving them there…oops?
5. Staying in a lovely Carribbean themed resort is great, until you are on the second floor with a massive stroller and no elevator and your husband has to haul it up 17 steps 3/4 times a day…thanks boo. kisses.
6. The Disney Bus system….it’s the stuff nightmares are made of.
7. Running out of time to visit Animal Kingdom, such a buzzkill, but worth our sanity to skip it.
8. Missing out on the Pixar part of Hollywood Studios because I can’t read a schedule and see that the park closed at 7…not 10 like I had made up in my head.
9. The rainbow lollipop meltdown…it’s simple people…Emma’s lollipop was not broken…Luke’s broke…apparently that makes it inedible and taste like hot garbage. It’s still a $4 lollipop made of sugar, but apparently when broken it’s actually the final ingredient to supersonic toddler shitshow.

   

On the other spectrum, SO MUCH GOODNESS HAPPENED TOO:

1. Donald Duck sat with Emma and played the previously mentioned sticker book with her for 10 minutes…she was in duck heaven…he was soon covered in stickers.
   

   
2. Luke taught his princess crush Rapunzel his silly dance…and she did it…boom.
3. Luke asking me why the “It’s a Small World” ride was seriously only singing…and when the singing was going to stop…never son…never.
4. Emma’s attempt to undo Mickey’s belt…or snuggle deep into Tigger’s fur or bop Minnie on the nose…all characters hate us…it’s fine, we get it, but thanks for the picture.
5. Disney Magic…just everywhere…all the time…even if I have to take one of the toddlers outside for a chill out moment…I’m not bored because oh hey, there’s a Muppet Show with Sam the Eagle going on to entertain me…thanks for thinking of everything Walt.
6. Luke thought there was free popcorn everywhere…it wasn’t…but if he saw it on the ground…he ate it…that’s not really a good thing, but it happened and you should know about it.
7. Emma dancing with her new stuffed animal dressed with a mermaid tale and sea shell boobs (the bear not Emma) in front of the castle…as if she OWNED the joint.
   

   

   

   

   
8. When asked which stuffed animal Emma wanted out of a collection of 4…she did the baller move to simply grab the entire lot and run off to the cashier…Emma 1…me 0.
9.  Lukes squeals on the Test Track at Epcot…can I just make that my ringtone?
10. Riding the carousel right next to Cinderella’s castle was awesome…attempting to get Emma OFF the horse each time…not awesome. Death grip y’all…death…grip.
    

    
11. The Toffee Cake at Liberty Tree Tavern restaurant…I tried for days to cancel this reservation because I thought we wouldn’t like it…Disney magic struck again and it was the most epic meal of my week.
12. My new giant biceps from carrying around two toddlers for 4 days straight…I bet I could finally do a pull up now….probably not thought…but maybe.
13. Dole Whip and the mouse Rice Krispie treats…can I just give a shoutout to the dining plan and that it always includes dessert…need some kalteen bars to just burn up all my carbs after this trip.
14. This picture of Lukes face on the Frozen Ride…

I seriously can’t wait to go back. I kept my expectations low and then was super blown away by how much better the trip was than I had anticipated. Low expectations makes life more enjoyable…someone put that on a t-shirt or an oversized coffee mug.

You’re a real gem Disney…let’s see each other again, REAL SOON.

I am no way a Disney expert after this trip, but I did learn a lot and if you are in the early stages of thinking about a trip with little ones, send me a note, I have loads of opinions and ideas for ya :).