Can we have a minivan? DERPPPP. NO.

My son has a love affair with minivans.

And I have a strong hatred of them.

It’s an interesting dilemma.

I have lost count of the number of times Luke has asked for a minivan. He’s also asked for another dog, which I have loudly screamed in reply, FAT CHANCE!

He saw the doors open automatically one time and it’s like he truly believes it to be a space ship or super vehicle with super magical powers. Some people may say they do in fact have magical powers because they love them so much, I hear ya people…but to me the only powers they have are youth sucking ones. Like giant youth slug suckers. As soon as your butt hits the captain chair in the front…your youth just gets sucked down into the crack along with the chick fil’a crumbs and loose change.

But to Luke? They are epic.

Just yesterday, from the back seat, I hear…

“Mom…when we have more money…can we buy a minivan?”

In my head I’m thinking a few things…

a. Does he have access to our bank accounts?

b. If I had more money, the last thing I would be buying is a minivan son.

c. Is he actually a 35 year old mom of 4 inside that tiny little body?


I have a real strong aversion to minivans. I understand the glory of them. The opening doors that don’t swing…the tv’s in the head rests…the smell of goldfish and cheerios and dirty gym socks, the space for a plethora of clowns, it all seems great. For the rest of the world…basically for anyone that isn’t me. Including my dad, who rocks his minivan.

Soon my kid is going to be rocking a “My mom won’t buy me a minivan tshirt” …

But I see minivans as a giant hand waving bye bye to my youth and it makes my eye twitch. Luke sees it as his entrance into the cool kid club in the school drop-off line…so much so that if he had all of the money in the world…he would in fact buy…a minivan. I’ve failed him.

I will most likely look back on this post in 3ish years and laugh my butt off as I drive down the street bumping mother goose club from the front seat of my MINIVAN. Luke will be in the back with gold chains and sippin on his gin-n-juice waving to the honeys on the playground.

So, the next time Luke asks me when we can buy a minivan…I think I’ll just shove more fruit snacks in his mouth and promise to buy him another hot wheels car if he promises to never bring it up again, cuz that’s how I roll.

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