Lace, Lace, in your Face.

Lace is a gift from the blogger gods.

Are you watching this season of The Bachelor people? Can we just all agree that once Lace goes away it’s just going to become the season where everyone makes fun of how large Olivia’s mouth is?

Jokes like…

I think she can eat a pineapple vertically in one bite.

She’s a human venus fly trap…that not only eats flies, but hot girls as well with her biting tongue.

Do you think she has a really bad case of dry mouth and needs to bring in more moisture every few minutes?

Remember that scene in Beetlejuice where she opens her mouth really wide and the eyes pop out? That’s Olivia.

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So while Lace is around…let’s just embrace her..

If you’re not watching, GF IS GETTING THE CRAZY EDIT.

Fun facts about Lace that TV has showed us…let’s unveil (get it…cuz her names Lace and theirs lace on veils…bad joke, eye roll) the inner-workings of Lace

  1. She doesn’t open her mouth when she talks. GF has permanent lock jaw or an undiagnosed run of TMJ that just left her with permanent tight mouth…
  2. She can’t tell time or she is stuck in a twilight zone. Her concept of 10 minutes in her mind is “a second”… When she stole more time away to “get to know” (creep out and ruin her chance) with Ben she told the girls she only talked to him for “a second” but in reality was probably a painful 10 minutes for Mr. Higgins.
  3. She’s never met a sleeveless shirt she didn’t like.
  4. Lace thinks the more times you say you’re not crazy…you’ll start to believe it
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5. Her name is Lace…that’s enough of a warning flag right there…it’s not Lacey….just Lace…mmm mmm mmm.

6. If and when she does get the boot…we all know this is happening and that producers are begging Ben to keep her around (as proven in his demeanor when he begrudgingly gave her that worthless weed in his hand) she will TOTALLY come back about 4 episodes from now begging for another chance with crazy eyes and talk really fast before the orderlies find her and drag her back to the mental hospital.

7.  When you don’t make eye contact with her every 10 minutes the neurons and dendrites in her brain misfire and her eyes twitch in fits of rage.

8. Her veins are full of pinot.

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9. Once she kisses you, she’s like a dog in marking her territory and loses all understanding that she’s on a reality tv show with other women going after the same man and that just cuz she peed on her hydrant doesn’t mean other dogs won’t either. LAWD.

I know she’s going home real soon..my bachelor bracket needs her to go home after next week, but I along with the producers just LOVE her and all of her dramz. Oh lock jawed nut-job, you make Monday nights lively again.

I’ve got my front runner y’all and shocker but she’s a blonde (statistics show me this is a good pick)…whose your pick this season?

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