Genius Bedtime Delaying Tactics

It’s a common thing that toddlers will do anything possible to avoid bedtime. Sometimes it can become sort of an olympic sport…theres strategy involved…you can see the wheels turning behind their tiny little eyes…

My son basically does the same thing everyday…you think he would mix it up a bit to try and throw us off…but he doesn’t. He’s a consistent little booger if nothing else.

These things never really work…and if they do work…it’s only for a solid 5 minutes, if that…but you gotta give it to him for not quitting.

Luke’s Guide to Delaying Bedtime By 5 Minutes Minimum

(although it never really works because his parents are smarter than him most of the time)

  1. After bath time, run around the room nakey nakey and hide when parents attempt to wrangle you for PJ time. Giggle loudly so they know you’re just playing so they can’t get mad.
  2. Clench mouth tight and flail your face back and forth when they bring the toothbrush at your face. When you think they’ve had enough and your ABOUT to get in trouble, open your mouth, but close it randomly so they have to keep reminding you to “open big”…this buys you at least 45 seconds.
  3. Take 8,654 hours picking out 2 to 4 books to read at story time even though you know your parents only ever read 2.
  4. Ask to read 4 books even though you know you get 2, ask again…and again.
  5. Have a fit when your told “No” even though you knew they’d say that.
  6. Cough fakely into your hands and say “I think I ate too much toothpaste” and demand a drink…do this every night.
  7. Sip this drink really slowly…sometimes just breathe into the cup like Darth Vader.
  8. During story time, point to every picture, image, letter, and color and ask “what is that”…when you clearly know EXACTLY what it is…this drives the parents crazy.
  9. If the book has stickers, ask to take one off for each person in the room, put it on their shirt and then demand they put it back perfectly.
  10. During prayer time, start and restart the prayers a minimum of 6 times…and make the parents say them with you again until you get it “Right”.
  11. Remember that you left a paci downstairs in the playroom hidden underneath a pillow, make a break for it and demand that you go get it even though there are 4 still in your hand.
  12. Give out no less than 5 kisses per person, and then demand a hug…then a family hug…and then another kiss…and keep this going because theres no way they’ll turn you down at this step…GOLDEN.
  13. Shout random things as they try and walk out the door…favorites are “Merry Christmas!”, ” I forgot to give you a kiss! (no you didn’t)”, “Don’t let the bed bugs bite!”, “Merry Monster Trucks”, “Happy New Year”, etc.
  14. IF it’s nap time and you still don’t wanna sleep…poop in the pull-ups and run around loudly…if you REALLY wanna make them mad…do it more than 2 times…mwhahaha.

Toddler’s be trippin y’all…Be. Trippin.

How did we parent before snapchat filters?



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