P: “I signed Emma up for the Wizards Baby Race”

L: “The What?”

P: “The baby race at the wizards game on new years day”

L:” Ha, that’s awesome, but she’ll never get it…”

….welp…she got it y’all.

I told my friend Meghan that I really wanted her to get it because I thought it would make a funny blog post…and then I smacked myself for thinking that I needed to create fun life events so that my blog was more fun…cuz that is a ridiculous thought to have…

BUT SHE GOT IT AND NOW I HAVE A FUN BLOG POST. ::fist pump the breakfast club style::

When we found out Emma was selected to compete…I couldn’t stop smiling just thinking about her token crawl scurrying across the court at the Verizon Center…and then I immediately went to work training her up and figuring out which items would entice her the most…the winners were the milk cup, tambourine, and a new sheep she got for Christmas. The rabbit that sings a song was too much of a risk cuz I thought she would stop and wanna dance in the middle of her sprint…turns out I needed to worry about another major distractor…

We had two days to train her up… ::rocky music::

Training consisted of carbo loading and that’s about it. I had confidence in her ability to kick baby booty…

At the game, they asked each of the parents which one of our children they thought should be held up by a muppet-y looking mascot that was cornflower blue and had a really long nose…knowing my childs fear of all things non-human…I opted for us to sit this one out…I didn’t want to distract her focus from keeping her eyes on the prize…the tiny baby that looked about 5 months old could be held up by the blue muppet for the big screen…we were gonna wait to capture the GOLD.

This marks the first time I’ve ever been “back stage” at the Verizon Center….my immediate thought was that Nsync had probably been in that very spot before…and I kinda wanted to kiss the floor a little bit…cuz that’s normal.

They threw Wizards swag at us, and Emma basically made friends with everyone who walked by us…cept the one grown ass woman wearing over alls… I DONT GET THE OVERALLS YALL….she was too cool to be enticed by my precious ginger child about the take this arena by storm.

They gave us lane one. The winners lane.

The other three babies were all boys and seemed like a bunch of wet blankets…should be a piece of cake…o’doyle rules type of situation here.

I thought that was good luck and a good pull. She’d only be distracted on one side and we could just blow through this race with no questions asked…

THIS WAS THE DEMISE OF OUR ENTIRE GAME PLAN.

Emma “Speed Demon” Goggin was off to a fast start…blowing off the starting line so fast I figured this was an open and shut case of victory…until she spotted the giant swirling pictures coming off the floor level tv’s…

Like a moth to a flame…Emma was going for that TV. We made the mistake of not asking enough questions off the bat…”so um, if she gets distracted by the giant tvs can we bring her back right away? Yes? Ok great…”

We tried to entice her back on our own…major fail.

She went back again…the tv tech guy yelled at my baby not to touch it again…poop on you…this is clearly not my ideal situation either boy! SO we just carried her back again…then she started getting really grumpy at me for all of the teasing her with her milk cup…it was a long race…she was parched. MILK NOW.

The event staff over estimated how far a 1 year old can crawl on a basketball court…or how long I can manage to entice one before getting winded myself because I’m in perfect shape….tip top…tip top y’all.

Video link: http://www.monumentalnetwork.com/videos/baby-new-year-race-1-1-16

Welp…Hank “the cheating baby” Tank had enough time to catch up and “Won”…we clearly know who the winner is in this situation…Fan favorite…Emma “Speed Demon” Goggin.

Win or lose…or being robbed…it was so fun and something I hope Emma uses for her future ice breakers in one of those “Two truths and a lie” type situation.

1. I love swings (LIE)
2. I crawled across the court at halftime of a wizards game
3. My first phrase was “What is this?”

2016, you’re off to a superb start ya know?