I don’t make new years resolutions…because I know I won’t keep them…i’m committed like that. But, I was watching my toddler run around the house in his undies this morning…and every morning… cuz he hates pants…and I wondered…if I could make some new year resolutions for the nearly 3 year old, Mommyshorts.com recently compiled a list of her list for her toddler and I thought they were hilarious…so obviously I can identify a good idea when I see one…and also mold it for my own personal benefit 🙂
Luke’s 12 new years resolutions…dictated by me:
- I vow to stop making going to the potty an olympic sport for everyone involved. I also vow to say “yes” instead of the typical “no” I currently say when asked “do you have to go potty” 98.5 % of the time and then when on the road 10 minutes from home declare “I HAVE TO GO PEE PEE” and force my mother to pull over on the side of the road so I can “road pee” and shout “IM MAKING MORE MUD” for all the passerby’s. No more road pees.
- I vow to eat food. All of the food; expanding my current selection of frozen waffles, golden grahams, gold fish, and yogurt to maybe include one vegetable that isn’t doused in cheese sauce…
- I vow to quit being schizo when asked to choose between two options…saying one thing…than the other…than the other again…and than flipping a lid when offered the thing I asked for because it wasn’t the other option I wanted all along…
- I vow to quit rubbing hands through freshly gelled hair just to be a pill.
- I vow to stop spitting milk on the table and making “milk puddles” and rubbing it all over the table and than crying because my hands are sticky with milk.
- I vow to obey the first time…. (HAHAHAHAHA NO I DON’T)
- I vow to stop asking the cook (mom) to make food and then eating two bites of it and declaring my “fullness” and then 10 minutes later shouting “IM HUNGRY” and watching the cooks eyes turn red in aggravation (syke, I don’t vow this either because it’s too fun)
- I vow to learn how to use my own feet to peddle the tricycle or scooters or bikes because I know I can do it even though I play limp every time no matter what.
- I vow to tell my mother the things I do at school and when she asks “what did you do at school today” replying with “i didn’t do anything or nothing” when she obviously knows I did SOMETHING.
- I vow to stop peeing in the bathtub and then drinking it…(pssfffhhhttt)
- I vow to stop dropping my toys in the car when I know I want them and mom can’t reach them and then screaming til we get to a red light.
- Lastly, I vow to keep being the toddler HBIC in this place because someone has to keep things interesting around here…clearly that BABY isn’t gonna do it.
Bring it 2016….I got some BIG plans for you.