Let’s start this off by making it clear that I know I’m not a ‘bad mother’ and I know my kid was just being the toddler j-e-r-k that he can be on occasion, but this morning my kid called me a ‘bad mommy’ several times after what he probably feels was an unfair consequence to his shitty behavior.

Come on a trip with me back to this morning…

When he peed on my bed.

Good start to the monday if ya ask me eh? “Oh I just asked if you had to pee and you bold faced lied and said “uh uh” as you sat comfortably on my side of the bed only to have me come back .05 seconds later to a soupy mess of toddler pee on my comforter.

Swear words under my breath and we were off to drop off the final forms for pre-school and get some answers on their “potty training requirements” aka “satans list of parent torture”….and I’m not super encouraged y’all. I had hopes of like an every hour, stop what your doing kids, and we all happily sing merrily down to the potty so my kids not all left out…welp…apparently they put a lil more emphasis on “independence” and hope the kids tell them outside of the two mandated breaks they take… oh and the best part, if the kid poops, they call you to deal with it…so my kid just gets to hang out with the stank until I arrive…please Jesus never let this happen.

But, none the less….this went fine and he didn’t make me look incompetent in front of the front desk people…HUZZAH. BUT THEN…

There’s this guy in the area, Mr. Knick Knack, he’s a troubador type kids singer who always wears the same ugly blue cowboy shirt and get’s really sweaty and changes the words to songs to see if your kid is paying attention. We’ve been twice, and left early both times, but I keep going because I’m insane.

We lasted about 20 minutes this time, and then Luke threw a dirty smoothie cup at me, hit a mom with a monster truck, jumped around in circles until he bumped into another mom, and then screamed and wailed when we left so much so that I think even Mr. Knick Knack was impressed. Death to the organized sing song events.

And then the kid pees in the car, after we just went, as he screams “IM PEEING MOMMY” and I rush to attempt to get him to stop and pee in the garage instead, YES I DID. I DID. ITS LIKE A TODDLER VERSION OF SEINFELD. SHOOT ME NOW.

Needless to say…he didn’t…and because I got so grumpy with him after all of these THANGS, he called me a ‘bad mommy’ through tears because I got mad at him. We had a nice chat about how mommies get mad at kids because they are frustrating. His lesson of the day is the meaning of the word frustrated.

It’s days like today that make me think the French have it right when they start drinking wine at lunch and just never stop. I think a mom started that trend…

On the way home after repeating “i love my child…i love my child” over and over in my head and sending “MY KID HATES ME” texts to the hubs, I got over it…kinda.

SO, how you’re Monday? Good? Great? Grand? Who wants to come clean my pee bed? Any takers??