If you need me…

I’ll be sitting in the corner somewhere chugging black box wine and humming quietly to myself…..

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Today…I woke up…thought it was going to be a good day. Sun was shining. Baby only woke once…I didn’t smell dog poop in the hallway…all things that led me to believe…a nice normal Wednesday.

And then…LIFE.

The toddler had his first accident…like legit…not like ‘oops you tried to pee outside but forgot to pull undies down because mommy was feeding emma’ kinda deal…but an “intentionally peeing myself in the car seat 3 minutes from home after mom asked you 10 times before we strapped in if you had to go”…the car seat is now air drying from the ghetto hose bath to get the pee off….so…there’s that.

And then the magic “blue juice” that toddler child loves so much found it’s way to making my newly cleaned (cuz you peed on it yesterday) white comforter a shade of blue…I often wonder if this is just the “blue meth” Walter White cooked up just in liquid form.

And then I keep finding dead flies in the house…that’s just a general statement that I think is weird…reason? is my house just that dirty flies wish to die when they enter?

AND THEN…I kept hearing this “pecking sound”…thought it was Luke playing upstairs instead of napping…but when I went up to check on him after a giant “thud” which was just all of the books magically falling off the book shelf…it wasn’t him…so I looked around the house…and then I looked outside the house…and there he was….the little bird pecker from hell…CURSE YOU WOODPECKER. STOP PUTTING HOLES IN MY HOUSE.

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Who has a be-be gun they would like to let me borrow to both expel parenting rage and bird rage?

Seriously y’all…seriously.

BYE.

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