There is a little boy running around my house with Lightning McQueen undies on. It is here. Potty Training has started. Also….these things are ugly.

Now….I can’t honestly say we just started…because homie has been dabbling and toying with the idea for a couple months, but this time we are ALL IN.

I initially thought just offering him a gummy bear or an M & M with each successful liquid elimination would really be enough of a bribe to get him to do this whenever I commanded. Worked first two times…then we had to up the ante…

The kids too good of a negotiator and he seriously forgets nothing…so in my desperation of offering him ” two monster trucks” if he would just sit on the potty for 60 seconds for the love of God….he didn’t let me forget it.

I cleared out Toys R Us of Hot Wheels and monster trucks…I bought so many the cashier legitatmately asked if me I was a collector….

Blank stares…

“Do I look like a collector?”

“Well, no, but this is alot”

Slow blinks.

“These are potty training bribes…”

…as if he can’t see the overjoyed toddler in my cart.

In my attempts to keep some control over the amount of toy cars in my house…little pee pee trainer needs to actually TELL ME he has to go and go in order to get the toy…otherwise…fruit snacks and candy for you child. Oh and if he poops? There is a plethora of sweet Monster Jam and Blaze Monster Machines awaiting his tender loving care…(throws them down the stairs).

This is probably like…day 3 and 1/4 of full on potty training…and I’ll shoot myself in the foot by saying we’ve had no accidents…but I think it’s pretty hard to have an accident when a crazy lady demands you sit on a Thomas Potty in the living room every hour or else she’ll go crazy.

Also…we ain’t left the house sans diapers…so…theres that. I have visions of his first outside the house potty experience going…less than perfect. Like falling in a porto-potty or something less than perfect.

I think I’m way more anxious about him having accidents then he is. I ask him about 40 times an hour “Do you have to go potty?” and by like question 25 he seriously gives me that “Noooooooooo I dont have to”…now damnit let me finish my stories…kinda response. Um, sorry for trying to help….DO IT ON YOUR OWN…but seriously do you have to go?

Thank you to everyone for giving me advice via rampant text messages and begging for anyone to listen to me groan about this incredibly normal part of parenting…cuz…ew.