You’re going to have to comit me.

My toddler eats nothing. No wait….he eats like 5 things…beyond that…NOTHIN.

I know it is a phase and a birth rite or whatever, but it has seriously gotten to the point where I’d rather leave the pantry and fridge door open and let him eat whatever the hot dog he wants just so I know there are calories in his stomach. I HATE FOOD.

These are the 15 things my child will eat…

1. Fruit Snacks (fruit is in the name…does that count?!)

2. Granola bars

3. Candy, Cookies, Cupcakes… aka baked sugar

4. Ice cream…aka frozen sugar

5. Blue box or Wegmans brand Mac n Cheese Only.

6. Peanut butter on pretzels

7. Yellow cheese slices…no other kind

8. Chick Fil’A Nuggets (sometimes)

9. Raw Carrots (again….once in a blue moon)

10. Corn on the cob

11. Oatmeal

12. Frozen Waffles

13. Pancakes

14. Yogurt if i’m lucky

15. 1/6th of a banana

THAT IS IT.

He’s going to starve to death or shrivel into a nutrient deficient version of Shmeagol or something from Lord of the Rings. I’ve stooped so low as trying to cover the vegetables and/or anything in honey…YOURE JUDGEMENT IS ACCEPTED BECAUSE I JUDGE MYSELF.

I look at other moms with children who eat yummy and delicious foods and curse them on the inside. Strong …very strong curse words. You and your fruit and vegetable loving child are the epitome of annoyance and I loathe your existence. And to the mom in the fruit snack aisle who told her kid they couldn’t get fruit snacks because they have GMO’s in them….middle finger to you, three boxes in my cart.

Unless of course you get my child to join in on the fruit and veggie fun…then we are best friends and I’ll just send my kid to your house at meal times.

CANT DEAL.BYE.