My son pooped on the floor.

Yup.

He did.

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SO….where to begin.

Well actually it’s not that complicated. Cuz well…he just pooped on the floor.

We were driving home from a fun (whiney and hot) trip to this local petting farm place when kiddo in the back starts crying because he’s “Scared to poop”…I had that visual from Look Whose Talking Two where Mikey is scared of Mr. Toilet Man…I know Luke has never seen that movie, but I wonder if that’s like an innate thought all kids have…is it? Paging Dr. Freud.

We talked it out and he said he was going to wait til we got home to try and go in the Thomas Poop Catcher. Inside I knew that wasn’t true at all, but I humored him.

Get home, trudge up the stairs to attempt to sit on the red and blue vessel of toddler refuse collections. Sitting…and sitting…so we get some books…and whistle along as he basically just plays around.

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Until…he stands up and demands for his diaper that I had in my hand. “DIAPER ON”.

And in my stupid stance of slow movingness…I heard it. The sound that stops all sounds. He took one step back…and welp…there it was….poop on the floor yo…POOP ON THE FLOOR.

I am so used to cleaning up dog poop from all the dumb things my dumb dog eats, like baby wipes which cause giant ropes of poop, or socks, or more paper, or just things like…birds and stuff. But something about this being human poop on my floor, just…NO.

Well…there is an upside outta this crapshoot of a situation (see what I did there…snort). He did technically yes sorta actually DID GO IN THE VESSEL OF THOMAS REFUSE COLLECTION. BOOM. PROGRESS. Skidoosh and ohhhh yeas. We rushed him back onto it in hopes of some residual progress, but hopefully now he doesn’t have the horrible image of Mr. Toilet Man like Mikey from Look Whose Talking and maybe he’ll be more willing to drop it like it’s hot into Thomas instead of my carpet fibers.

During nap time I rushed to make a really bad and crooked Potty Reward Chart (rulers are exhausting…so….its bad) and put some stickers on it in hopes he’ll care. He only cared about the chocolate. All the chocolate. “Oh I poop and get chocolate? I can do that”. Hell probs do it 100 times a day to get chocolate. He’s just that into chocolate. Wonder where he gets that….(Raises Hand…its me).

I’m still scarred y’all. The sound. His face. The delayed reaction time. I know it’s not the last time that’s ever happening…precisely the reason we ain’t getting new carpets anytime soon…but I just wasn’t prepared for that…but now I am…”Diaper on” means “Woman I’m about to unleash the kracken, diaper NOW”.

"Bad Ass Toddler Walkin Here"
“Bad Ass Toddler Walkin Here”
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2 Comments Add yours

  1. Tom Goggin says:

    Awesome!! You made me laugh hard girl!! He pooped on the floor when we watched him but we thought nothing of it…its easier to clean up and its part of that “transition” thing!!

  2. Laura says:

    OMG…. Note to self, don’t read emails while in a meeting. Since your blog pushing to my email, I hear my phone ping only to see a new ‘Goggin Diary’ post… After reading the title I LOL’ed in the middle of a serious meeting, everyone turned to look at me (oops).. So, note to self, stop checking personal emails during work meetings.

    Keep the awesomeness coming. I love reading your journey, as it’s much more funnier now that I have a kid.

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