We spent the afternoon yesterday in a swanky barn flourished with Belfort floor model furniture (fact the owner of the winery is actually the owner of Belfort furniture) sipping wine, eating cheese, and enjoying time with some of our soon to be parent friends. We only had one child with us, the non-mobile one, meaning we actually got to sit and have a conversation without pretending to be a race car all at the same time. SUNDAY FUNDAY YALL.
These lucky people are having their first little baby boy at the end of June and they are deep in the mix of all of those soon-to-be-parent feelings of excitement and anticipation. But, you all know me, I never leave a question unasked…even if ya know…it’s not “kosher” or it may stir up some dramz…so I started just asking what to me were normal questions about what it will be like for them when the little prince comes. And as I was asking these questions and getting blank stares of “we have seriously never even thought of that” I got to thinking….
WHY IS THERE NO PRE-BABY COUNSELING?! You have pre-marital counseling, sometimes for months and weeks on end where you talk about all of the ins and outs of what it means to be married and to share a life and responsibility with someone. But…theres NOTHING for when you are about to bring a brand new LIFE into the world…major oversight world…MAJOR.
I love a list. SO I made one of the top things you and your partner may wanna chit chat about before the wee tiny one arrives…
1. What will it look like after the baby arrives? Besides chaos and just ugly, I mean will y’all wanna be alone? Will you accept visitors? How long do you want these visitors to stay? Is it important to have family stay with you? What sort of boundaries are you willing or will you need to establish? Such as, is gramma coming into town to help you with the baby or to help you with your house or are you ok with both? I was always 100% ok with both, you want to do my laundry and help rock the baby to sleep?! SURE. But I know some are more ok with laundry and cooking help so they can devote their attention to the tiny new love of their lives.
2. Visitors at the hospital vs. visitors in the room? BIG DIFFERENCE. We had 2 C-sections, so there was no room for discussion, Pete was the only wing-man allowed. But for those pushing the chunker out, you have a decision to make. Our hospital allowed up to 5 people in the actual delivery room with you, that is A LOT. But you may only one 1 or 2, or none. What if your partner wants everyone? Psht, partners not pushing…he gets no say…but you should probably tell him that before hand :). You may be open to having everyone come by and visit after the little one arrives, or you may want to hold off until you get home, talk about it before you fight about :).
3. What will “help” look like to you? If you are nursing, there is only so much help you can get with feedings, but there is still help. My husband was on diaper duty for our first child whenever he could, and for the second child he moved to Toddler and dog duty. He also has taken it upon himself to be my “water boy” :). Nursing makes you super thirsty as milk is made up of like 118% water (not a factual stat, too lazy to google, but its a buttload) and if you just sat down and are all cozy and baby is latched right and you look to the right and the water bottle is empty, BOO. Pete has always been super good about asking me if I want water, cuz yes, I want all of the water all of the time. Diapers and water, two very easy things husbands can do to help out, as well as helping you feel better after you spilled 4 ounces of breast milk you just pumped and are UN-FING GLUED, Oreos help. What you need help with will probably change on an hourly basis, but if you set the stage for this pre-baby it will be a lot easier to work out post-baby.
4. How OCD do you think you’ll be? First baby, everything will probably be washed and steamed to death to ensure no possible germs come in contact with that child. NONE. Maybe by the third month, you lighten up a bit, but if you and your husband aren’t on the same “germ killer express train” it could get nasty. Me? Paci dropped? Meh, my dad always told me you eat a pound of dirt in your life…maybe the extra fiber would help the baby sleep better…IN YA GO.
Now, in no way will these four questions prevent any future disagreement y’all may have once that baby comes. Cuz let’s be honest, it’s about to get bat shiz crazy up in your house and even the dog is going to want to run away and not come back for about 6 months…but hey, it’s a start :).
What do you wish you’d talked about before the little one arrived??