One of the first things people ask me when they see me these days is…”how is she sleeping”…is it cuz I look like adrenaline is running through my veins? Does my aura ooze “exhausted zombie”? Does my breath smell too much like breakfast blend?? All could be true.

The real answer is…uh, like a baby….like s.h.eeeeee.t.

Syke, thats not true ALL the time, but truth is I HAVE FORGOTTEN EVERYTHING ABOUT SLEEP TRAINING.

My son isnt that old… it wasnt long ago that I went through this torture with him, but I    remember zilch of how I magically got him to sleep well. I had to ask Pete when we started Luke on a 700 bedtime…he looked at me like a dumb dumb said “we used to put him to bed at 630…”

Blinks eyes in confusion.

“REALLY?”

…”yes”.

I’ve gone back to the horror that is google and my dog-eared babywise book to try and remember WTF I DO AGAIN. Just shoot me. Right between the eyes is great.

I got the basics:

– back to sleep or kid will die…got it, no pressure.

– lay baby down “drowsy” but not awake…um, k.

– use no sleep crutches like pacis or rocking….um, thats b.s. and devils speak.

-swaddle…she kinda hates it, but girlfriend is getting on board with the baby straight jacket.

– crying for 15 mins wont ruin your child…you’re right it’ll just ruin me.

I know it was a struggle with the older one, but Ive clearly blocked it all away and just remember watching him sleep peacefully with his butt in the air…not the every 5 min in the room cuz she farted and woke herself up or the paci got spit across the room again, yes…again.

All in all, shes doing fairly well at night, 6-7 hours in the crib at 8 weeks doesn’t grind my gears too badly…but if homegirl doesn’t get on board the nap train soon….I may start chucking sleep machines into the wall. ITS THE SAME CRIB, WHY SO HARD?? Grumble grumble, booooo.