I was reading an article the other day which ranked diaper brands according to mamas. They ranked 5 of the top brands with Pampers being number one..cuz ya know..quilted and sesame street characters for the win and Target pulling up the rear for being…gasp…generic. The one part of this article that struck me was the comment that “first babies can live with Target brand, but second kids need Pampers”.

At first, this made no sense to me. Wouldn’t you be even poorer second time around making even Target brand luxury? But then I got it. ITS CUZ YOU HAVE NO TIME TO CHANGE THE SECOND ONES DIAPER…so that shiz better be absorbent.

I often have to try and calculate how long its been since I remembered to change Emmas diaper…its tragic. It can get so fluffy that even the blue pee line becomes a lil transparent…oops. So then my mind wandered to “what other ways poor Emma, second child and sister to the hurricane, is experiencing life differently…”. I came up with 6…

1. Uninterrupted, blissful nursing sessions

Well this is just laughable. Im constantly having to get up to check on what big bro is doing with Emma dangling trying to finish lunch number 3. Or shes getting sat on because Luke wants to sit on my lap while reading the fire truck book with the annoying siren. Or shes getting pulled off and on a thousand times because the juice and crackers must be had NOW. NOW DAMNIT. Ah well…maybe this will teach her to eat slowly in the future?? #chew25timesandyoullbeskinny

2. Concussion free tummy time

Kamakazee of flying balls. Racing cars. Hammers and bats. Just a collection of things that have fallen on missys head during tummy time. Luke and I would spend hours looking at pictures and toys, Emmas lucky to get 5 minutes without a 30 lb lovable drool bag fallin on her butt.

3. Personal saliva pacifiers

Theres a pacifier snatcher around here…it’s not me…or the dog…it’s the older brother. He is so in love with pacifiers of all shapes and sizes it doesn’t matter if the nip is the size of a needle or is pink and has butterflies on it, he’s gonna suck on it…and he’s gonna LURVE IT. Emma has one kind of pacifier she will take…the weird soothie ones that makes them look like Muppets. There are two flying around this house…neither of which I can find right now because they are probably hiding behind the headboard or shoved in a toy box somewhere. The best is when he’ll take the paci…suck on it…and give it back to her in .045 seconds flat…ahhh sharing.

 

4. A well organized diaper bag

Merrrrrrrrrrrr. I think there are size one diapers and an outfit in there somewhere…they are probably covered in cracker crumbs…but they’re in there. Burp cloth? Meh, here’s a chick-fil-a napkin, mama loves you.

5. Stimulation of any kind

I used to spend hours talking to Luke, playing with his hands, playing music for him, all things obviously leading to his future presidential campaign success. I think I said “good morning sweet girl” to Emma before spending the remainder of the day repeating every word Luke says or pointing out every truck on the road. Meh…heres hoping she’s listening and sucking all that into her brain.

6. No siblings….lame

As much as the world is a bit more chaotic for Emma, it’s also more fun. She has an older brother that likes to bring her her socks, that likes to pat her head like a dog, that will burp her, hold her, try and feed her crackers, “shares his toys read:forces them in her hands”, and is trudging forward in this world doing it all first to show her the right and wrongs of life. He’s a kookie kid with a love of crackers, race cars, and loud noises, but she is lucky to have him around…she’ll see this one day…ya know…when she can actually see and interact and stuff.

Lord help those third kids out there…