Disgusting things my son does.

I dunno what happened.

But in the last two weeks, my kid has kicked up his nasty-level to “megatron gross I’m gonna barf” level.

I know, he’s a boy.

Boys are gross.

But even a person with a brain the size of his probably wouldn’t do all this stuff…right?! Or is this normal…I’m hoping normal…because he can’t go to pre-school being the kid that still does these things.

What things?

A list from least gross to grossest.

1. Plays in the dirt and then eats it…oh and rocks too.

I’ve been trying to get the dirt and rocks outta his mouth all summer…it’s not going well obviously since as of yesterday he was still doing it and not just like…licking for scientific measure…eats it and goes “mmmmm”.

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2. Eats dog food.

This could probably be the grossest, but because it gets worse…it’s number 2. HANDFULS OF DOG FOOD. Even dog food Gracie is in the middle of eating. Just gobbles it up like it’s cheerios. It’s so disgusting I can’t even handle it. STOP IT. YOURE NOT A DOG. Oh, he also will stick his face in her bowl and drink water outta it…no. joke.

3. Sticks his face in the toilet bowl.

This…just…I can’t.

4. Stuck his hand DOWN THE TOILET BOWL.

Vomit.

5. Sticks his hand down to his…whoohaa area while changing him…sticks his fingers in his mouth…goes…”mmmmm”.

I barf a thousand barfs. WHAT IS THIS?! Is this a part of potty training or something? I don’t think so, cuz its f-ing disgusting. Oh and then knowing that hell go and steal his sisters paci and then put it back in her mouth just makes the dry heaves come all day long.

What am I doing wrong that I’ve raised this caveman creature with blonde hair and a twinkle in his eye?!

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Oh and look at my pathetic pumpkin….nothing puts my lack of craft skills on display more than the holiday season…grumble.

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One Comment Add yours

  1. Tom Goggin says:

    Dear Dear Lindsey… I laughed so hard I cried! With the exception of dog food both your husband and your brother in law were guilty of the same acts when they were young. I’m surprised that Maripat never filled you in on what it’s like to raise young men…haha!

    Unless Luke decides at some point to take his diaper off and use fecal matter in as a form of artistic expression on a bedroom wall as though he is painting the Sistine Chapel he has not yet surpassed the level of boyness exhibited by his uncle Kyle. He is about equal to the level of his father in this regard. I’m so glad to hear that he is a very healthy growing boy who is in love with his environment in every way!!

    Thanks so much for making me laugh!

    Much love! Poppa G

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