“Thank you for calling Poison Control…”

Oh yea….that happened.

Shinhye-fml

This has been, let’s just say, an interesting week in my world and this little cherry of an event just topped it off so nicely :).

Dinner time at my house consists of me giving Luke either a pot/pan/or other harmless item to fiddle with while I try not to trip over him while cooking dinner, so far, successful. This is where the fun happens.

I left Luke on the floor, fiddling with the playstation controller (yup), sitting there all cherub and chubby like with his little fingers flicking the buttons, to go downstairs to get the dog dinner. This act of service takes a total of 15 seconds when done correctly.

Pup happy and chomping down on dog food, I hop back upstairs to find silence…and a lonely playstation controller sitting in the middle of the floor. Round the corner and what do my eyes see…

TINY 10 MONTH OLD CHILD SITTING THERE GNAWING ON ONE OF THOSE DISHWASHER PILLOW PACKETS.

arnold_with_no_teeth_looks_a_bit_like_jason_bateman-25565

WHY?!?!?! DO THESE THINGS TASTE LIKE POWDERED SUGAR? ISN’T POISON SPOSE TO BE BITER…WHAT ARE YOU PUTTING IN YOUR DISHWASHER JUNK KIRKLAND…clearly whatever it is doesn’t clean my dishes well but is satisfying to the palette! Out of sugar? Just crack open a dishwasher pillow…

Moments after this happened are a blur. I picked him up and shoved his mouth and face under the kitchen sink…guess how much he enjoyed this?! Followed by, inner thoughts of “WHAT THE HECK DO I DO NOW!”. Call husband, husband in a meeting, send frantic text “SON TRIED TO OFF HIMSELF BY EATING DISHWASHER PAC”…”WHAT DO I DO”…

giphy

Husband sends poison control number. Husband clearly is the only one capable of handling a crisis…i’d rather run around with luke soaked under my arms trying to WISH the junk out of him….calling PC was a much smarter option…kudos husband.

I talked to a lovely man from poison control, who…has a rather upbeat voice and let me just say they ask WAY TOO MANY QUESTIONS for someone who is calling because they just ingested poison…CAN WE GET TO THE PART WHERE YOU TELL ME IF MY KIDS GONNA GET TOXIC POISONING AND LESS ABOUT MY ZIP CODE. TOXICITY NOW, ZIP LATER.

gah

…clearly, because I’m writing this, you can figure out that baby dishwasher pac eater is fine. He really only ate a little nibble off the corner, and probably only ingested about 3 granules before I went all water world on his bum.

Moral of the story, yes, we are terrible and should have baby proofed ages ago. Keeping chemicals under the sink is rule number 1 of not being a stupid parent….I think we overlooked rule one and went to rule two, which is don’t let your kid eat dog hair….um…wait….what’s rule three? maybe well get that one right.

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3 Comments Add yours

  1. Sarah says:

    HAHA Lindsey this story is a riot!!! I swear my heart skipped a beat at your image of the unattended play station controller/silence…. those moments are soooo scary and the 1-2 seconds it takes to find the baby feel like years!

    And psshh…. 3 granules. That doesn’t earn you any fail points at all. I would totally only start worrying after like 50% of the pack had been consumed.

    I am also cracking up because Campbell does the same exact thing when I’m working in the kitchen, I just let him loose on the pots and pans cabinet. Except the other day I hear a strange shaking noise and I look over and kid found the MANDOLIN SLICER I forgot was in the way back of that cabinet. Now it is in a box, thank God, but you know 10 more seconds and he would have had the box open easily. Ugh. Hope that makes you feel better : )

    I think it’s just so hard to keep up when it seems like just yesterday they were innocent little immobile nuggets!! Now they’re like mini trouble-making toddlers!!

    1. lcmgoggin says:

      Bah, mandolin slicer….something ya never think about when you register for those fancy ass gadgets “can my future child lose an appendage with this because I’m busy browning ground beef…”

      Heres hoping we make it to pre-k with all working organs semi-attached :).

  2. Sarah says:

    Coincidentally, this story from another mommy blogger I read… No baby can resist the call of sink/dishwasher products! : ) http://www.iloveyoumorethancarrots.com/2013/12/hello-poison-control.html

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