Dear teeth.

Why are you such a life ruiner…why must you ruin peoples lives.

You bust your way through gums all high and mighty demanding to be noticed…and really? Why…why must you be so mean about it. Do you find it enjoyable? Are you feeling neglected up there hiding behind the gums? We know you’re there…we welcome you to come into the world…just let’s not be such an a**ho** about it for a change.

Signed,

PO’d Parent.

If you can’t figure it out…Luke is working on a big ole can opener tooth up top and it is NOT FUN. We are oozing outta our nose, eyes, drooling excessively, and it’s just. dis-gus-ting. I get that we need teeth to eat the good things in life…like the excessive amount of chik fila I ingest or corn on the cob and that good ish…but…whhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy can’t you just pop down all nice and smoothly so that I can go back to sleeping more than 3hrs at a time…that’d be great. I shudder because I know theres another one coming right next to this chomper soon so I’m waving bye bye to sleep and saying hello to 10 cups of joe a day.

Why are dentures so bad anyways?! What if we just for-go this teeth thing and just go right to dentures…they come out so you can really clean them, little dental work, they’re all straight and pearly white…lotsa pro’s here…think about it.

Please send care packages of under eye concealer, k cups, and something to gnaw on for the kid asap.

love you mean it.