When Groupons Over Promise.

This past Friday, P and I cashed in on a groupon we had purchased a month or so back with some of our adventurous friends. What was this groupon you ask? Well, it depends if you believe what the description says, or you believe our first hand encounter.

After stopping for my second big mac in a week for dinner (havent had mcdonalds in well over a year, and now all of a sudden, big macs are a gift from God, explain that one). We shuffled up 270 in a attempt to find the Landon House in Urbana, MD. Now, I know Urbana fairly well, its all of 10 minutes from my hometown, but I had never heard, nor seen anything that resembled what the Groupon pictured. A giant white house with a big wrap around porch in the center of town? Oh sure, well try and find that in the dark.

A couple loop arounds and we finally pulled down the “historic” ahem gravel driveway of the Landon House…

Now…this is the description written by Groupon, you clever word smiths you:

Charismatic host Johnny Reb joins guests at the historic Landon House Mansion for a commemoration of the 150th anniversary of the Civil War on the site of the original Sabers and Roses Ball held in 1862. Guests browse the house on their own while sampling snacks and sipping on two glasses of wine or soft drinks for those who are 21 or younger starting at 6 p.m. They then set out for a haunted history tour of the mansion and estate at 7:15 p.m. and finish around 8:30 p.m. Those who wish to try history on for size can rent authentic Confederate or Union garb for an additional fee ($25/adult, $15/kid younger than 12; advance notice required).

What it is really, is a “tour” of a really dusty, old, about the fall into the ground house, run by a lunatic and his son, who provide trays of sliced cracker barrel cheese, crackers, a veggie plate, and boxes of franzia, and miralax in the bathroom if you need it. The home apparently hosted a big party a few nights before the battle of antietam hosted by Jeb Stewart, a sassy, drunk of a civil war soldier, but someone the owner of this home has a big crush on. BIG.

You walk from empty room to empty room(some filled with M and M’s leftover from weddings…really sets the mood), hearing “stories” about Jeb Stewart and the house, but…apparently we had just missed a big haunted house or god knows what because there were leftover monster mannequins, heads, fingers, drapery, and awkward lighting everywhere…Particularly in the creepy bedroom he insisted we all pile into to look at a “blood” aka probably ketchup stain on an original civil war quilt, oh yea, the place is supposedly incredibly haunted…a brand new up and coming paranomal group was spending the night their that night, we met them afterwards, one of them only had 2 fingers…i cant make this up.

At the end of the tour, you go into the basement aka the “slave quarters” so mr. reb says even though he kept repeating how there was no documentation of slaves, but sure the basement is the slave quarters. One of the guests made sure to point out that there were limited spider webs because the planks were made outta cedar…there was a giant spider web on the ceiling…wikipedia has done that man wrong. Oh, and also he shuffled you into a tiny church which slightly resembles a gas chamber…i thought we were goners…my obituary woulda read something along the lines of “mother to be dies in a tiny church listening to some other woman complain that the owner didnt know how many rooms his mansion had…”

This place isn’t open to the public, so if you are DYING to have the same experience we did (i cant even convey how much we laughed about this all night long), try and sign up for one of their civil war tours wine tasting and barbeques…i bet the franzia and mcribs from the mcdonalds on the corner will be TOTALLY worth it. You better move fast before Johnny Reb changes the house into his proposed technology retreat center for social media…an entreprenuer at its best.


Look how happy she is to be getting married here…

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