I hate exercising. Capital H A T E it. I know I’m wired differently because the exercise biz is a billion dollar industry. But to me? it’s just d-u-m-b.

I find it annoying. I find it gross. I find it stupid, yes I’m that mature that I’m saying exercising is stupid. I don’t fall for the yoga or pilates trend. Zumba? to me that’s just an excuse for those without rhythm to dance and shake their bums to music. P90X? more like P90Idrathernot.

I’m going to pay for this one day, I fully know that I will become a 6 foot, overweight giant due to my aversion to exercise but whatever. I walk. I walk everywhere, and I walk fast. I shall count that as my own form of “physical activity” oh and the 10 lb weights I pick up and randomly do 10X a day. Maybe those count. But cardio? Psht, unless there’s  a volleyball in my hand with the chance of breaking someones nose or tap shoes on my feet…count me OUT.

But, what I don’t get is why everyone needs to talk about how much they exercise all the time. Yes, you ran today. Kudos to you. I did not. I wont tomorrow either…or the next day…or the next… (yes theres a pattern). Oh you feel so great after your 10 mile run? Or your 250 abs of steel exercise? Or your zumba,yoga,pilates,spinning,whatever? Good for you, but stop telling us. We all know you’re only telling us because you want someone to say “good for you” or to obnoxiously like it 10 times. No one likes it. They’re all secretly mad at you for being so damn energetic and in shape.

I respect those who exercise, mostly because I hate it. I respect those who run marathons, and triathlons and what not because I can not (or i can’t without dying). I’ve had many a friends run many marathons/half’s/triathlons, and I am so supportive, ya’ll rock. P and I ran a 10k 2 years ago, we all remember how well THAT went….

But mostly, I respect those who feel no desire to share it every hour or every day. They just get up in the morning, run their 10 miles, and move on with their day and instead of a wasteful post on how much they ran or lifted, they share a witty youtube video to give me a giggle. Those are my peeps. Those people make the social media world a happier place.

I have strong opinions of this, mostly because I’m jealous that you’re in shape and that I am a lazy slob, but also because there is a growing “over sharing” culture budding in social media that drives me NUTSTHHHHH (yes, I said that in a Makenzie voice, we all watched this week right? gf is getting tamer with age…not good).

Your sick? Go to the doc, I don’t need to hear about the amount of mucous in your nose or the inability for your food to stay safely in your body for the appropriate amount of time. Your having a bad day? Sad for you, but keep the passive aggressive, uninformative posts to a never should happen. You just ran for 8 hours? I hate you. I just watched 8 hours of How I met your mother and felt great about it. So there.

I know you’re confused and thinking, but Lindsey, you’re a public health guru who is strongly supportive of any activity to make people healthier and decrease the obesity epidemic in our country. You are correct. Like I said, I think its great you exercised today, thanks for helping to keep yours and my health care costs down, but for all that is holy, please…stop…excessively….talking…about…it…..PLEASE.

This message has been brought to you by a sarcastic, cynical, lazy person with an aversion to sweating.